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[lostmylight]

He's a wanderer.

Ever since the traumatic day when everything was taken from him, he's been a wanderer. Nothing more, nothing less. A shinobi? Only in the barest terms. A crimson band of cloth covers the ruin of his sockets, hiding the shame from the world; his memories of receiving basic medical care from a civilian village are fogged by the fever that ravaged him during those days.

Ever since then, he's wandered. Slowly learning to survive, slowly adapting, he now moves with some trace of his old grace and confidence, as though he has some perception of the world beyond the reach of his hands. The snakes have taught him, and experience, the slow and bitter sensei, has taught him.

But he will never again be what he once was.

He's entering another village, he knows that; where it is, what its name is, he doesn't know. Doesn't entirely care. Perhaps they'll feed him, perhaps he can trade some manual labor for a few coins, and then move on again. That's all he can hope for anymore.

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[lostmylight]

This.

This.

The loss of his eyes, the cold, cruel taunting words, revealing the truth of the Uchiha to him, revealing the entire purpose of his birth, of his life. There are no only children of the Uchiha. There are always two, so the younger can give his eyes to the elder.

His mother had birthed him, not to have a son, but to have a spare.

He pushed away from her suddenly, his hands hard. "Why?" The word was a sharp bark, a sound of pain. "Why would you pretend? Why would you let me think that I meant anything?" His voice rose through the questions, from a bark to a cry of sheer pain. "You knew what I was for, all along, why would you pretend to care when I was only there to be a spare for him?" Itachi, the son that mattered, the monster. Sasuke, always in the shadow, always unsatisfactory, doomed, hopeless.

[proudofmybaby]

The words made her feel cold inside, and gave her a very good idea of what happened,if not when or how. It seemed that, in at least one place, her elder baby had less than peace in mind. She didn't try to retake the hug.

"Sasuke, you were never a spare. Even in the least complimentary moments you were never that."

[lostmylight]

"Then why...?" He didn't bother to finish the question, ending it with a helpless downtrail in tone. Why everything? Why was he never good enough, why was it always about Itachi, why did even Fugaku seem to look at him as nothing? It all made sense when he thought that he was only wanted as eyes for Itachi.

[proudofmybaby]

She hesitated then sighed softly. This was something she hadn't brought up to any other Sasuke, and didn't intend to, but it might set Sasuke's mind at ease in some ways. She hoped.

"I'm not sure if this applies in your timeline, but in mine, you were a conscious decision. I didn't want to have Itachi. I was actually somewhat resentful, when he was very small, because having him forced me out of being a jounin. He was sickly, too quiet, and seemed, well, broken. It got better just to get worse again, and that's when your father and I decided to have you, because Itachi, at that time, seemed as though he would never be able to handle being a clan heir, if he even survived to maturity. Then, your father went off on his little tangent with Itachi when he seemed to improve because we had you... so you got to be my precious baby, and I could leave Itachi to his father and focus on you because I wanted to. I realize now that I shouldn't have done that either, with everything that happened because of it but... I always wanted you."

[lostmylight]

He was frozen, silent with her words -- but a faint tremble of his hands, of his shoulders, of his lips betrayed him. Her words... her words should have been sweet. Loved, wanted, born with the expectation of being Itachi's superior, the better child, the healthier and stronger...

But the cloth around his ruined eyes turned all those thoughts to ash.

"And then you died," he whispered, hands clenched to fists at his sides. "And then you all died, and left me with a monster."

[proudofmybaby]

"Yes, that does seem to be the case. I don't... know if it was the same in your timeline as mine though, and for that I can't tell you how sorry I am, but in mine... it truly was our own fault that you were left alone. Our fault for Itachi, all of it... but in most of the timelines this..."

She moved her fingers, not touching his face but hovering her hand a moment before dripping it. "It wasn't this."

[lostmylight]

He sensed the motion of her hand well enough, though he didn't overtly respond to it.

"Most timelines." The words seemed sour to him. "I guess that just makes me lucky, then." A snarl of a word, bitterness churning in his belly. He was the one who'd been left a cripple, deprived of the family heritage that had been a core part of his identity, a core of what defined him. And what had defined his use to Itachi, had preserved his life.

"Sorry won't let me see again," he whispered, his head bowing, bangs brushing forward to hide the crimson bandage from her sight.

[proudofmybaby]

"I know. I cannot apologize enough to heal your sorrows baby, I know that." She hesitated a moment, then sighed softly. "I died, before I came here. I've come to learn that isn't the case everywhere. Nothing seems to be set in stone for any of us."

[lostmylight]

"I don't care about them," he snapped bitterly. "They're not me. This is set in stone -- it's the only thing I'll ever know, anymore." Someone else having a different life only made his plight more of a mockery.

[proudofmybaby]

"I say that because there are different Itachis here." Her voice was soft, cautious. "One as young as eight, and every last one has seemed beyond dedicated to your well being. So this... this is a new horror for me baby."

[lostmylight]

"Seemed." That was the word he focused on, fighting a sudden gut-wrenching fear. Itachi... how many copies of the monster who called himself his brother? How many of them were there, looking for him, throwing that same contempt in his face?

You never were anything to me but spare parts, Sasuke...

He shook his head. No. No, she was saying that wasn't true. A child of eight... how could that one be the monster? And yet, when did monstrosity begin?

"Keep them away from me," he said, low and tight. "I don't want them near me."

[proudofmybaby]

"I don't... know how to manage that. I know the middle one will keep away from you, he avoids most of the Sasukes that aren't the one that lives with him if they show even the slightest aversion." She sighed softly and shook her head. "I want to take you home, but the other two live there and the youngest is... friendly. The oldest is bedridden most days and would likely gracefully accept your wish to not see him. He gets enough fussing between the youngest Sasuke and the oldest girl anyway. Still... I won't take you there if you couldn't stand that idea."

[lostmylight]

Silence, as Sasuke digested that. "Three of them?" If the elder two would avoid him, and the youngest was only a child...

"Who else is there?" He needed to know that, needed to know what kind of a household she prepared to bring him to. Maybe it would be better to go elsewhere, to find a place where he could be alone. But at the same time, he didn't want to be separated from her.

[proudofmybaby]

"Your father, several permutations of you. The youngest is... perky. He's eight. The oldest is female and extremely determined to keep an eye on the Itachis. The younger girl is overprotective of her Naruto and vice versa. I don't think the age gap is more than a few months between then. There's a Sasuke around age thirteen as well, he's the first one I met when I came here."

She hesitated, then reached to brush her fingers over his hair. Barely a touch. "Then there is Sakumo, you might know him as Sakura from what he's mentioned? A girl named Karin who is... persistent. A teen named Kabuto. Lee and Neji at what I understand are your age bracket, Hinata of the same. A girl named Tenten who is about thirteen. There is also a woman named Kushina who was a dear friend of mine who died when you were a baby. She's usually with the youngest of the three Narutos, who is seven and... the shyest person in the house I think."

She paused a beat. "I know it sounds like a lot of people, but the house is incredibly large."

[lostmylight]

Kabuto. Karin. And three iterations of Naruto? All people Sasuke didn't want to face, for so many reasons. How Karin would react to him, seeing him like this -- powerless, nearly helpless, a failure in everything he'd tried. He didn't want her attention, didn't want either her pity or her contempt, and couldn't imagine any other reaction from her. Kabuto -- slimy Kabuto, Orochimaru's treacherous second. He'd be even worse.

And Naruto... gods, Naruto. Hard enough to deal with when they were near-equals, when rivalry shaped their struggle -- what would Naruto do with him now, finding him permanently crippled, no longer able to even compete with him?

No, he didn't want to confront any of them.

"A very large house," he agreed in a thin, strangled tone, unable to find more words than that.

[proudofmybaby]

She winced at the tone and gave in to the urge to draw him back into a hug, sighing softly and uncertain how to quell his distress. "All I can do is apologize baby."

[lostmylight]

He accepted her arms; he couldn't not, no matter how torn he felt inside. In the end, he needed the mother he'd lost too badly to reject her. She was warm, solid, comforting -- within the circle of her arms, he felt like a child again.

"What am I supposed to do?" he asked softly, uncertain. To come into that house, so full of people -- he didn't know if he could stand the thought. But he didn't want to be separated from her.

[proudofmybaby]

"I want to bring you home." She sighed softly, holding him close. "I want to be there for you and make your life better."

A hint of humor touched her voice, gentle and inviting. "We could spar, if you like, once you're more comfortable?"

[lostmylight]

Home. He wanted to be close to her. But with so many strangers -- so many not-strangers, so many people he wanted to stay far from -- could he bear it?

"I want to stay close to you, Mom," he admitted quietly. "I don't want to lose you again." The thought of sparring with her was uncertain, though, and he hesitated over it. "I... I haven't fought since..." A gesture to the blindfold.

[proudofmybaby]

"And you were too young to start blind training when I died." She sighed softly. "All the more reason then. It's a thing, in the family, to learn blind fighting. I did when I was about ten or so since everyone knows to go for an Uchiha's eyes. But you don't have to if you don't want to."

[lostmylight]

Blind training? He'd had no idea that that was something the clan even specifically taught. So many things had been lost forever in that night of horror...

"... Maybe," he admitted quietly. "I don't know..." He didn't know anything - didn't know what he wanted, had no direction.

[proudofmybaby]

"Okay. We'll sort it out." She took his hands as she eased back. "Come on. We'll figure out how to sort out the room situation, okay?"

[lostmylight]

His hands tensed in hers, but he couldn't make himself pull away again. "How?" How could they sort it out -- the presence of Itachi, of multiple incarnations of Itachi, the presence of Naruto, fuck, the last person he could allow to see him in such a state.

[proudofmybaby]

"By doing it." She tightened her fingers in a gentle squeeze. "I know I've made mistakes before... but trust me with this?"

[lostmylight]

Trust her. The one person in all the world he had to believe. The one person who - at least as much as he knew, as much as he still hoped - was truly on his side.

He couldn't speak, just nodded, throat tight. The prospect of being in the same house as... as them was terrifying, but it would be worth it to be close to her.