one_long_mission

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He's a wanderer.

Ever since the traumatic day when everything was taken from him, he's been a wanderer. Nothing more, nothing less. A shinobi? Only in the barest terms. A crimson band of cloth covers the ruin of his sockets, hiding the shame from the world; his memories of receiving basic medical care from a civilian village are fogged by the fever that ravaged him during those days.

Ever since then, he's wandered. Slowly learning to survive, slowly adapting, he now moves with some trace of his old grace and confidence, as though he has some perception of the world beyond the reach of his hands. The snakes have taught him, and experience, the slow and bitter sensei, has taught him.

But he will never again be what he once was.

He's entering another village, he knows that; where it is, what its name is, he doesn't know. Doesn't entirely care. Perhaps they'll feed him, perhaps he can trade some manual labor for a few coins, and then move on again. That's all he can hope for anymore.

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"Yaaay!" there was an overjoyed, happy screech. "I 'xplained it good 'nough this time!" and he had been able to keep that paper stuck to his forehead while doing it too, but by now that wasn't hard.

"Say, say!" he asked, full of childish enthusiasm. "Who're you?" it might have been the dreaded question.

He wanted to lie. Didn't want to claim a sameness to this child, to be forced to admit what the path of his life had brought him to.

And yet... and yet, to lie troubled him. Perhaps this one could be saved...

When he spoke, his voice held a dark, sharp note. Pain. "Uchiha Sasuke."

"...." the paper he'd been attaching onto his forehead with chakra fell, blown by the wind, and he stared up.

Uchiha Sasuke.
The concept of future selves was something he had become familiar with here, but to see such a thing? See himself, his future self... like this?

He wanted to ask what happened, but decided against it. He could change nothing. All he could do...
"....say..." his voice was a tiny broken chirp. "...can I hug you?" Normally he didn't ask and just did it, but...

Hug him? What was this, pity from a child? Sasuke didn't need such a thing. He had his pride, battered and damaged as he was now.

And yet, instead of 'no,' he found himself saying, "If you want." Not quite a welcome, but not a rebuff either. This child would have a long life of backs turned on him, Sasuke told himself.

The boy did just that, and soon found his body shaking.

This was himself... from the future. He had been told that bad things happened to him, and he had met his 13-year old self first. He did not look that bad off, and even taught him a jutsu. He had his girl-self too, and she might have been somewhat grumpy, but still...

Why did this future self make him feel so cold inside? He wasn't even sure what that feeling was. He valiantly tried to stop tears, squeezing his eyes shut. He wasn't going to cry. He wasn't! Why would he do that?
Probably because he felt a huge lump in his throat as he wondered just what was in store for him once he disappeared from here... and went back to where he had gotten torn from.

"I dun' wanna go back" he whimpered in a shaky voice.

"No," Sasuke answered, his voice low and with an oddly gentle note that he didn't entirely intend. "You don't." Because this was what awaited the child. This hideousness -- discovering that everything he'd believed was nothing more than lies, that the only purpose to his life was to be spare parts for a brother who'd never, ever cared about him.

He wasn't even sure what this feeling was. It was close to fear, and equally close to sadness, with a pinch of denial and a dash of hopelessness.

Tiny arms gripped with a fierce despair, as if he would fall into a deep, endless dark pit if he let go.
There were so many thoughts running through his mind, and he was too young to even comprehend some of what flashed by. He could ask why, could ask how... but instead he remained silent, light sniffles escaping him.

Maybe terrifying the child hadn't been the right way to handle things. But Sasuke had had enough to pain and fear in his life that the thought held little weight. Let him get used to it now. It will make things easier in the future.

After all, what more than this did he have to look forward to?

But he didn't push the boy away, didn't try to reject the innocent attempt at connection. A touch was... rare, was perhaps something a little special. Something to be treasured. One hand came to rest lightly between the child's shoulderblades, a tentative attempt at comfort.

Terror? Was that what he felt? No wonder he couldn't even put a word on it. He'd never even felt anything remotely close to that.

That hand upon his small back did little to stop the sniffling. He was oh so bravely trying to not cry at the overwhelmingly strange, alien feeling in his little chest.
He tried to speak, but when just a broken whimper got out, he gave up on the attempt. Whatever words he may have been able to form at the moment might have been worse than silence. For now, he hugged his future self a fraction tighter as his body trembled.

What he had here... in his hands... was the future...

It was a long moment that Sasuke let his younger self cling to him, feeling the tremors in that small body, knowing the child was frightened and torn between an equal unwillingness to deepen his distress, or to lie to him and sugarcoat the looming darkness to come.

Finally, though, his stomach growled, reminding him how long it had been since he'd eaten. He would need to find some kind of food... and some way to pay for it.

The noise shocked him, and he drew back. "..I-if you.. wanna.. there's food... home" he managed to say, and then added, "I can.. get you there..."

"I don't want charity." The words were automatic, though less harsh than they would have been had he addressed anyone else. But he was hungry...

"If there is something that needs doing, I can still work in exchange for food," he added. No charity, no pity, should be spent on him. He was not disabled, not helpless. Just... blind.

Work in exchange for food? He said he didn't want charity. Would home be bad then? "..but... my family's your family, right? families... help each other. It isn't charity..."

Family. He didn't have any family. But this child did... how was any of this possible?

Insane, he decided to himself. I've gone insane. Perhaps he was still wandering in the wilderness somewhere, his fever unchecked, hallucinating as he died by degrees.

If so, then what difference did anything make? It wasn't as though anyone cared about him anymore. He might as well go along with the hallucination until it faded.

That said, though, he still had his pride. "I don't want to rely on anyone's generosity," he said simply. "I'm old enough to take care of myself."

"..." there was silence for a long while, dark eyes staring down at the packed earth at their feet. "...not just this once?" he tried not to make it sound like a plea. "...takin it easy... just for a few minutes isn't wrong." he bit his lip. "I can make omusubi.... and it's not cause you can't take care of yourself, it's... cause I wanna make it for you.""

The child's entreaty seemed better poised to thaw Sasuke's need for an icy reserve than any other cajoling might have; the boy's earnestness, the need in that soft, piping voice...

"Maybe," he allowed quietly, dipping his head. "If we can be undisturbed." The child was one thing, but others... no. He didn't want to be surrounded by strange other-versions of the people he knew and had left behind or lost.

"Hnn..." he gave a light hum of thought. Undisturbed... "Okay." he gave a nod. "We can go in my room, and I can bring the food upstairs?" he suggested. "...or you can wait at that big tree in the training field if you really don't wanna risk comin inside."

He huffed a sigh, thinking over it. Waiting passively or hiding while the child brought him food felt shameful, but at the same time, he had no desire to be an object of scrutiny, and no desire to counter some of the other apparent denizens of that home.

"I'll wait at the training field," he said quietly, "if it isn't currently in use." It would be preferable to being trapped in the house.

"If someone's usin it, I'll tell em t'go somewhere else~ No one can resist me~" indeed, no one could. "It's this way, this way!" he was already headed towards there, making sure to keep a permanent chatter so he could follow the too-enthused voice.

"If you're me, I know what you like, so don't worry about it~ If there's anythin that can make eeeeverythin better, it's a stomach full of things y'like~" no, there was no taking his intense positive attitude down.

The training field was thankfully empty when they neared it. "Awesome, I won't have to pull anything on anyone, no one else's here. Want me t'find you some shade to wait in? There's lotsa trees to th'west~"

"Yes, I know they're there," Sasuke agreed. While he couldn't perceive the shade directly -- at least not until he was in it -- he could feel the direction of the sun, and the shape of the trees, and know where he would find shade from them. "I will wait for you there."

Knowing the things he liked... yes, it was true, his tastes had changed little from that age, he decided. So he would accept the child's attentions

"Okay! I'll be back real quick!" he promised.

And so, as fast as his little feet could carry him, he rushed home, to the kitchen! He took the stool towads the sink and washed his hands before setting some rice to cook and preparing the okaka which he learned to do rather well thanks to watching when kaasan and niisan made it, along with tomato slices as the rice finished its cooking. The riceballs were ready, and although not looking perfectly professional, they would be edible and yummy!

He made sure to wrap nori all around it and secure it by patting it just a little.
After that, he took all of his foodstuffs to that training ground, grinning happily.

He looked around for his older self and, a soon as he spotted him, called out. "I'm back~" and ran even faster -how is that possible!- to hold the plate up where he could reach. "I got you omusubi! And there's tomato slices too~"

"Yes," Sasuke agreed quietly, accepting the plate. "I can smell them." He nodded an unspoken thanks, and picked up one of the riceballs, turning it over in his fingers a moment before taking a bite.

That innocent eagerness to be helpful, to please... he could remember being like that, and the memories soured him. That innocence only existed to be shattered, mangled, destroyed.

The boy sat at the base of the tree, looking up with a wide smile. He was happy he had done something good for someone!
Indeed, he still ignored much, and had never lived any nightmare, possibly so innocent it would sicken some.

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