[Open] Home at last.

[proudofmybaby]

She'd been away from home a lot lately and she was more than aware of that. While the kids and other adults were doing their best, they still had quite the pack of children to support, and there had been no fall back funds or reliable missions to take care of the gaps. It was improving now, but she'd had a rash of missions to take care of over the last month, and it had meant that she'd been away far more than she'd been home.

She just hoped everyone was happy to see her, given that the weather seemed to think she needed to be blown away the second she stepped foot back in the village.

In any case, she'd fought her way back to the house, changed into clean clothes, then went out for a walk since most of the house's residents weren't home. When she got back, she'd check on the ones who were, but in the meantime, she saw no issues in fetching some fresh things for dinner before settling back in.

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[itachi_san]

All his memories, or at least all the ones he could easily recall, were tainted with the politics of a clan poised for a coup. Itachi was trained to be the heir to the Uchiha, from a very young age. While he spoke highly of the Konoha Military Police, took pride in the techniques founded by the Uchiha ancestors and performed missions almost exclusively alongside cousins and the like... he couldn't really answer that question.

His eyes fell.

"Far too much... that I'd rather... not remember..."

And probably a few that he'd purposefully forced himself to forget.

[proudofmybaby]

"Then ask me questions you wouldn't have risked asking when you were young, and I'll answer them."

[itachi_san]

There were a lot of those so-called questions in the back of his mind. The sharingan was a gift and a curse of strong emotion, and yet...

"Did any... of our relatives... actually love their partners? Did they want the children they conceived? Or was it... all as political... as the clan writings made it seem?"

[proudofmybaby]

That got a startled look, because of all things... "Uchiha love Itachi, never doubt that. Even me and your father... I will never doubt he loves me, and I love him, even if we might not have started that way. His parents were a love match. It's the only way to bring a non-Uchiha into the clan at all, after all."

[itachi_san]

Well, she did tell him to ask the questions he would never have asked in childhood...

"You and Father... had already arranged mine... before I made chunin." He whispered, gripping the countertop with both hands. "I killed her... I.. didn't love her... barely even knew her, really... But it was for the good of the clan..."

It was unnerving how pale he seemed to get when talking about that sort of thing. Never mind the fact that the closest thing he ever had to a relationship involved a sharklike S-class criminal.

"You were a proud jonin before..." An uneasy pause. "I was for the good of the clan, too... Wasn't I?"

[proudofmybaby]

She turned solemn at that, washing her hands and drying them before turning her full attention so she was looking at him. "If I had chosen a time to have you... it wouldn't have been when I did, no. But... in many ways Sasuke was for you."

[itachi_san]

Itachi expected the first sentence. But he didn't expect the second.

"...For me? I... don't understand." he whispered. "I was Father's heir... I guess I thought Sasuke... was more for you..."

Truth be told, Itachi would have probably grown up perfectly happy beside his mother. He was gentle, too gentle to be a soldier. But from the moment he could grip a kunai, that's exactly what he was.

"Because I... couldn't be..."

[proudofmybaby]

She shook her head and padded over, taking his hands and turning them face up. "For a little while, it's unkind, but we really thought you'd broken, that you couldn't handle anymore. You couldn't be the clan heir like that. Sasuke was planned, because you were going to be passed over for that so you could get better.

Instead, you got better all on your own, and Fugaku took you back."

She kissed each of his palms, then his forehead. "I've always known you were a gentle boy sweetheart. I love both you boys dearly, and I only ever wanted what was best... even if I approached it poorly."

[itachi_san]

When she took his hands into her's, he wondered, and paritally dreaded, what reason she had to believe Sasuke was for him.

To give him someone to love? To care for? To temper the cold, callous heart of a clan leader in training with gentleness and compassion? No. That wasn't it at all...

Itachi stuttered, "...passed over? ...broken?"

He didn't remember anything like that. He remembered the war, he remembed activating his sharingan, he remembered Sasuke being born. He remembered training endlessly at Fugaku's side until he was finally enrolled into the Academy. But he was a child, a young one. And memory of those years before the Academy was spotty at best, as it would be for any child.

"He... he took me back... Sasuke... You... No, the clan... the clan wanted a spare... "

Itachi recoiled at the thought of it. His face was as white as a ghost. The happy, carefree eight year old Sasuke that had come here. She, father, the clan... They would have killed him. They would have taken him, turned him into the perfect Uchiha.

"When Father started training Sasuke... when I was... i was in the ANBU... It was the same thing... A spare for... for when you thought I'd broken..."

And he had. He had broken that time. He remembered that. He remembered it vividly... Shisui's death, the mangekyo sharingan, attacking members of the police force and pummeling them into the ground... One hand was gripping the counter. The other was gripping his head, trying to fight through a fit of dizziness and a sharp shooting pain.

[proudofmybaby]

"No. He was never ever a spare." Her tone was firm, and she leaned in, meeting his eyes, willing him to understand. "Sasuke was a very deliberate choice we made. At the time... I wanted nothing more than to finally do right by you. Now... it's very different. I ended up growing much closer to him than you and I ever were, and I would never trade it for anything."

She tilted her head, watching him. "But I wish that the chance had existed for us to be close too. I didn't think you'd broken in ANBU Itachi, but your father was worried we'd finally pressed you too far... and we did, didn't we?"

[itachi_san]

The words rang in his mind, blurring, fading as though there were at least three of her talking. He could see at least three of her too, as he struggled to keep his eyes open and stay on his feet.

"Mom..." it was barely a hiss.

How far was too far? Was that really the question? At the age of thirteen, he was a spy for opposing forces while trying to single-handedly prevent civil war. He helped his best friend commit suicide. He was ordered to turn on his own family, sacrifice everything, bargain his own future away, endure more and more and more until...

Itachi's lips curled in a very strange smile.

"I... I still... love... y..."

And then, he passed out.

[proudofmybaby]

She moved forward to catch him, collecting her son in her arms with a sad sad smile, then heading off to tuck him into bed. he was awkward to carry, but that was fine, and she was content enough letting him rest.

Perhaps she shouldn't have answered that.